Clara's Clearing

What has become of friendship?

Friday, April 09, 2010

A few weeks ago I linked to a news item about the sharp rise in the number of children calling a UK national helpline because they feel lonely. Many of the kids who called said that they had no friends. This got me thinking about friendship. Actually it didn’t start me thinking (I’m always thinking about friendship) but it got me to create a “tag” for friendship. (Tags are ways of organizing contents on this site according to topic so, say, you go to the “Health” tag and find all the pieces and news items that have appeared on this site on the subject of health.) More

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Comments

Hs01 commented on 10-Apr-2010 12:45 AM

Very good questions about friendship. I wonder why having friends or making friends has become so difficult.

Anonymous commented on 10-Apr-2010 11:29 AM

To have meaningful friendships you need community. Kids don't have communities any more and families don't either. I don't know how that can be fixed.

Vicki commented on 10-Apr-2010 12:14 PM

Childhood without friendship is very sad indeed. A Friendship tag is a very good idea. I think as moms we really should think about how to support friendship in our kids lives.

Cliff commented on 10-Apr-2010 01:44 PM

I am trying to think of differences with kids today and kids when I was growing up. It seems there have always been cliques, rivalries, jealousies, in-crowds and outcasts, but kids my age were a little more polite. Sure kids back then were at times mean and cruel, but generally speaking, the expression was more repressed than now. I think we were more civil but less honest. Hopefully, our kids today will move past brutal and hurtful honesty and learn to overcome intolerance and jealousies after seeing the raw ugliness of them.

Clara commented on 10-Apr-2010 05:50 PM

Interesting points about civility, honesty and friendship, Cliff. I have a hard time calling a certain kind of excluding brutality honesty, but perhaps you're right and there is an element of honesty in it! Maybe our Manners and Morals bloggers will be inspired to write more about manners and honesty.

Cliff commented on 13-Apr-2010 10:35 AM

Friendship is such a complicated matter, but it is too bad that kids Jack's age have to think about it.

deedee commented on 13-Apr-2010 02:45 PM

Or maybe the lack of community in the culture at large and the longing for belonging and security lays the groundwork for "us" vs. "them". Romantic relationships for adolescents anyway seem more frought with this too - it's harder to date a number of people for long without becoming a couple or just having "friends with benefits" and going it solo. Serial monogamy seems to be the result.

Tina J commented on 13-Apr-2010 05:37 PM

Deedee: Friends with benefits...!!! Is that friendship?! But you're right serial monogomy seems to fill the empty place of friendship. And I agree, no community no friendship. Good topic Clara!

Miranda commented on 20-Apr-2010 12:53 AM

Developing a friendship requires social stability - kids need to share the same community for a relevant amount of time (minimally 1year I think). Social homogeneity also helps - similar life styles and social class for instance. Given the level of mobility in society today, I think its especially difficult for children to develop meaningful friendships!

Clara commented on 20-Apr-2010 11:06 AM

You are so right about stability having something to do with friendship, Miranda! We have been "stable" for a long enough time with other "stable" people but it's still not been easy. Perhaps stability of character and values has something to do with it too. I mean, perhaps a lot of people pretend to have one set of priorities and values but actually have another -- that's not character stability!

friend commented on 25-Apr-2010 12:08 PM

It is a very good idea to talk about friendship. I wonder if anybody ever talks to children about friendship and yet everyone has "friends" or wants friends, etc. I like this post very much.

Anonymous commented on 28-Apr-2010 12:16 PM

I agree with you Clara. Friendship is what makes life tolerable.

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